The End of the Action Film As We Know It

Action movies have been a sad state of affairs for years. Hollywood has become so liberal and now we all have to suffer as a result. We’re all a little too PC and afraid of offending different groups of people. I say fuck you to those groups and fuck you to Hollywood. What happened to the good old days of action movies? What happened to “Man Movies” like “Predator 2,” or the original “Die Hard?” Oh, that’s right. They turned into the PG-13 sequels “Alien Vs Predator” and “Live Free or Die Hard.” Fuck you, FOX.

When did ‘R’ rated violence become such a gamble? Do not blame the 9/11 attacks either. I refuse to believe it had anything to do with it. 9/11 was a tragedy for sure, but people have been dying as a result of war for hundreds of years, so this is no excuse.

Somewhere along the way we lost touch with good old fashioned ass kickery. There are quite a few people to blame here. Douche bag mothers for one. You know who I am talking about. When Columbine happened, parents blamed movies and music. How stupid do you have to be to blame movies and music? Why not take responsibility for the fact that as a parent you failed? Mother’s across America even tried to shut down our beloved Maddox when they formed “Mother’s Against Maddox.” Instead of monitoring and restricting what their children saw on the internet, they choose to ruin it for everybody. To say the least they failed, so they couldn’t even get that right. I’d offer suicide up for them as advice, but something tells me they would just suck at that, too. The entire Metro sexual movement pisses me off, too, but enough has been said about that without me having to go into great detail.

What brought this on? An article a few weeks back that declared Orlando Bloom as the next big action hero. What the FUCK?! If you are a heartthrob to millions of slutty little girls, then you can’t be an action hero. Do you think any women have Stallone posters on their wall? Fuck no they don’t. Not unless they have a Desert Eagle under their pillow when they sleep at night. No woman fantasizes about what a date with Chuck Norris would be like. Never. Not a single one. Why? Because Chuck Norris would round house kick your face into oblivion when you leaned in for a goodnight kiss. If there is a woman who has a poster of “Hard to Kill” on her wall I want to meet her so I can call her a damn liar. No woman claims that action movies are their favorite genre. In fact, I predict a huge surge in spousal abuse cases after women start referring to “those action packed Bloom movies.”

I had high hopes that the remaining Hollywood Heavyweights would save us from this slump. The fact remains that we don’t have anymore action stars. Vin Diesel is a douche bag so don’t bring up his name. Riddick sucks. With Schwarzenegger never coming back to movies, we are left with Stallone and Willis. Norris is tackling the direct to video market, so we’ll leave him out for now. I am dying to see “Live Fee or Die Hard.” Even after I learned that Fox toned it down to fit a PG-13 rating. That’s right. Less language, less violence, and less of what makes the “Die Hard” series so great.

The only hope is next year’s “John Rambo.” It very well may be the last great action film we ever see. Stallone recently released three minutes of footage from the film. The footage included Rambo chopping someone’s head off, shooting a soldier just before he explodes at close range, ripping someone’s throat out, then capping it all off with gutting an unsuspecting asshole. Now this is what it is all about. Stallone practically financed the film in addition to writing and directing. No major studio is attached, which is why he can get away with this. When the film does get a studio attached, it will be for distribution purposes only. I love it. Click below to see the footage in all its violent awesomeness.

The “Rambo” series has been the frontrunner for violence. When it was released in the late 80s, “Rambo III” was considered the most violent film ever made. Stallone knows how to make a great action film and he isn’t afraid of being PC or offending anyone.

Stallone even knows how to talk shit. After reading the headline, “Orlando Bloom is the next action hero,” Stallone sent a copy of the “John Rambo” footage to Bloom with a note. The note simply said, “This is what a real action hero looks like.” He is absolutely right.