This Guy Vs. That Guy (With The Option To Add A Third Guy)

It would have happened anyway, so why people are really against the sudden “Versus” film movement is beyond me. Way back in the black and white heyday, Universal capitalized on the horror icon’s squaring off. “Dracula Vs Frankenstein,” “The Wolfman vs. Somebody Else” or “Someone Scary Meets Abbott and Costello.” People did not seem to mind the popcorn fun back then, so why now? Afterall, Freddy Kruger, Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees have pretty much replaced the creatures of the night.

“Freddy Vs Jason” was in development for over a decade before it was finally put on the screen. I can not tell you how many scripts I read on the internet that were potential specs for the movie. Some of them were really good, while a majority of them were really crappy. Let me give you an idea of the scale I am working with. The best script I read (and the one I wished came to fruition) had Freddy and Jason returning to Earth from Hell as apart of the end of humanity (think Y2K). Each was larger than life (as they were featured in “Jason X” and “New Nightmare”). The final battle was featured in hell and contained returning characters from each franchise. The film would have easily cost one hundred million to make, and probably would have knocked them dead at the box office. The latter was a script that featured an imprisoned Jason Voorhees, who was on trial for the murders he committed (he should have got Johnny Cochran) when they learned that Freddy Kruger was the one who made Jason into the monster he had become. This had all the cheese in the world. A caring/sympathetic Jason, a one liner cracking’ Freddy Kruger and a horrible final fight that took place at the local mall. So, at this point, we can all agree that even though the idea of a “Versus” film is a little silly in the first place, there is still a right and a wrong way to do it.
So the next one up was “Alien vs. Predator.” Now there is really no excuse for this one. After each franchise was massively successfully on their own, it was only natural to put them together onscreen. Even “Predator 2” hinted at what was to come. As Danny Glover enters the mother ship of the Predator, he spots a trophy case filled with the skulls of different life forms. One of those was the skull of an Alien. So then came the “Alien vs. Predator” comic books, graphic novels and video games, all of which got it right. Now before I rip the movie a new one, I have a simple question for all of you. If you take the four ‘R’ rated “Alien” movies, and then the two ‘R’ rated “Predator” movies and then combine them, what should the final result be rated? No, Aristeo, you are wrong. It would only be logical to have the end result be rated ‘R.’ Notice how I said logical, which is not something Hollywood is known for (see any of the articles I write on this blog for reference). So even if you look past the fact that Paul Anderson made the film, the Predator’s look more like Ninja Turtles and it wasn’t even close to its source material, you are still left with a PG-13 crapfest. I blame the teenagers of America who make PG-13 horror such a profitable business for studios. The film apparently did so well that we’ll be getting a sequel early next year. Thank God Paul Anderson is nowhere near it, and the film is (so far) on the road to being ‘R’ rated.
The future holds much more than just horror and sci-fi crossovers. “Justice League of America,” which features a group of well known DC comic book characters, is in development. A film entitled “Batman vs. Superman” is in development at Warner Brothers as well. The inevitable sequel to “Freddy vs. Jason” is looking to add a third to the mix. At first, New Line was heavily pushing for Ash from the “Evil Dead” series. This choice, and only this choice, felt like the most logical way to go. I read the treatment and at least all three films are tied into one another. Hell, I even wrote a script for the supposed triple threat (which was better than the treatment in my opinion). At this point, it looks like we’ll be seeing John Carpenter direct “Freddy vs. Jason vs. Michael,” and yes, I wish I was kidding.
“Versus” films aren’t all bad news. Horror is not scary, or original, anyway. We might as well have fun with what we are watching, and if nothing else, at least the films mentioned above are just that.